When any of us live or work in an environment that embraces values that are in conflict with our personal values, our souls will begin a process of interior disturbance in order to remove us from that which threatens our spiritual health. Despite monetary security or reward, if we stay on a path that disconnects us from our spiritual energy, we begin the process of slow death, which continues unless something begins to change.
Living Simultaneously by Jeff Patnaude
I have been feeling dead. Stuck in hamster wheel hell.
I’ve spent most of the winter trying to determine if it’s my relentless schedule (I’ve been working 16 hour days, 7 days a week for most of the past two years), my substandard processed food diet due to the schedule, the seasonal affective disorder I annually battle when living in a ‘5 months of winter’ locale, or the weight gain due to all of the above. I can’t even begin to discuss the career frustrations or the personal relationship pain.
My spirit is dying a slow death; the buzzards are circling.
When I chose to step out of a one-sided marriage, I was elated. The feeling of freedom and possibility filled my soul with purpose. I’ve lost that lightness of being and I need to find it again. I thought I could work hard for 4 years, and then follow my dreams, but the decades of stress have beaten me down.
My spiritual stamina is not what it once was; something needs to change.
A reduction in office hours is the first place to start. I’m heading out on a road trip soon, hoping to discover ways to feed my soul while not draining my pocketbook. I’ll be looking for the woman I once knew who always saw
- the good,
- the positive,
- the possibility,
in EVERY moment AND person she met.
I hope I find her soon.